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Howdy y'all.

The Hillbilly Hash House Harriers continued their summer trails in fun lovin' Front Royal, Virginia for the second weekend in a row. This time local folk Danny BD and Menage a Who were the hares. It sure is nice and stuff when the locals come out and lead us in a trail. They hand select only the finest barbed wire fences to put in front of us. They select only the finest watering holes for us Hillbillies to cool off in. And of course, on this day that marked the creation of the first test tube baby, they only selected the best test tube shot checks for us to enjoy on trail, but who ever said that a test tube baby should taste like a mellon ball? But I am rambling like Foreskin about getting lost on trail so let's get back to what we got done today.

As I says before, trail was in Front Royal or Fro Ro today in the woods. Yes the woods, where almost all Hillbilly trails tend to be. When many of us arrived, we were welcomed by NFHN Jeff's home brew which “was” a pumpkin ale. Now don't you get me wrong, I will take a free beer like Airman will take a free bottle of Gin, but did anyone taste anything that even slightly resembled Pumpkin? But yes Jeff we still thank you for your contribution. So here we are waitin' for Sour Snatch, our faithful and beloved beer meister to show up and Hangman pulls up with Sour in the front passenger seat and ATWI in the trunk while the beer has the entire back seat. Thank god the beer was comfortable, while I cannot say the same for ATWI. So we had beer and we also had visitors.

Our two visitors came from across the ocean from a land that has nice and fun people in the South, but some crazy guy leadin' his country in the North. Now yes, you may think I am talking about any state above the Mason Dixon line, but I am really talkin' about South Korea. Marco Porn Ho and I Feel Pretty had recently moved into the area and were doing a tour of the local kennels! Good thing they started with the best! So we had our pre lube and discussed the Jack Cola that someone actually said would be a good drink to have in chugging contest. Yeah right, maybe if you're racing other pussies who can't drink no beer like a man. So speaking of man, HangMAN has to step up and bless these here hares because Danny BD is our RA. So off these there hares went and then we had just a few more minutes of pre lube. Some of us Hillbilly did mention to me later that we did not pre lube enough, but it was hot. By hot I mean hotter than girl on girl porn. Hotter than seeing Herpicles' mother sunbathing on a hot day. So we conducted Joe the Button pusher to include the ASS, both hands, I thunk and of course the tongue and offs we went into the WOODS!

Very soon into that there trail we comes across a boob check. Now maybe it was not explained correctly, and maybe we need the female hares to explain at the chalk talk, but at this check, the kitchen crew aka the women are supposed to share with us their fun bags, but none of them did. So instead they had to search for trail. We eventually pick up trail and continue on our way. Now you see this trail today contained hills. And by hills I mean steep and tall hills. These hills did not have eyes either but man, my lower back is still killing me and I even popped two Vicodin's before I started to write this here trail trash. So we climb up a HILL and then come across the Mellon Ball test tubes. At this point I caught myself referring to Foreskin Bloody Foreskin by his nerd name. Which leads me to the question, why do so many of us fail to refer to this Italian by his given hash name? Do we need to rename him?

So trail continued and Sour Snatch continued her own trails through the woods. Now last week we referred to her as pioneering, but this week she was a Mountaineer, in fact we will refer to her in this way anytime she finds her own trail and continues to get to the various shot checks before we Hillbilly do. At one point on this trail we came across what looked like Pill Boxes but no one stopped to shoot at each other.

At the first beer check which was also the second beverage check for those of you who actually keep track of how many checks we have on trail, we noticed that there was going to be an awful lot of water ahead of us. Now both Sizzle Sac and I Feel Pretty tried their darndest to avoid that there water but eventually they gave in. But thank god this did not have that Red Snapper smell like last week. Or maybe it did, but Hangman wanted to keep that to himself. So now remember how I talked to y'all about hills....well holy crap we came across another and it sucked. It was steep. Some of us following Airman parallel up the hill because walking straight up was just too much for us. Hangman walked around many of the hills and like our Mountaineering hasher, Sour, Hangman would also find his way to the shot checks.

The third shot check tasted like Grape drink. Now you may ask yourself, what the hell is Grape Drink? Well, it is the generic name for Grape Kool-Aid. But now you ask, what is generic and who buys the fake stuff? Now while all Hillbillies whether they admit it or not, they all like to shop at Walmart. (http://www.peopleofwalmart.com). On a more personal level, fellow Hashers like Wreath Around, Ticks, Danny, and maybe Fuzzy actually shop there and buy this Grape Drink because it costs less and we can have more money to pay for important things like Chewing tobacco and goat lube. So we have this grape shot check and both Blow and the ATWI demand we follow Rule #34 of the Hillbilly H3 charter that says that none can leave the check until the entire shot is gone. So we start to pass this around and around. Finally Amber Alert decides that he must cool off, either that or he has a fetish for grape drink and the sticky feeling it leaves after it drys, so Amber pours the remaining shot mix on himself as he “tries” to drink it. Needless to say no one tried to ring out his shirt to get the extra grape goodness. While at this shot check it was also brought up that No Cunt Entry for Airman will always have to drink when virgins are asked to be in the circle. That is unless his cherry is popped. Hopefully he had his wee wee cut when he was little or it may bleed. Ask Foreskin about that one.

Trail ended at B although we could see A, but at least they knew the difference between A to B vs A to A Prime, unlike the hares at SH*T last Tuesday.....while at circle we learned that Danny BD did not carry the hashshit on trail and therefore gave it to Foreskin to carry on trail. The hash shit vote came down to Danny vs Amber, but who can recall why Amber was called in? Well Amber got no applause thus giving Danny the shit for another week.

The On After was at some Jamaican Soul place in Fro Ro which was a surprise cause I did not know that them Rasta's made it this far inland. While at the On After Airman received his dog tag and we also found out that at the Hillbilly Highland Games, Fuzzy Butt will be eligible to receive his tin cup! I am sure that will be just one of the many things to look for that weekend.

Y'all come back now ya Hare!